It Was All Yellow

How did I get the name Yellow Apron Kitchen?!

That’s a good question, and in all fairness, I’ve been asked that a lot. I thought now would be a good time to explain it all to you, especially since I just hit 1,000 views on my blog!!!

First off, thank you for supporting me. I could never have dreamed of having a food blog and/or being so public about my eating disorder even six months ago. Your support means the world to me. I have such big hopes and dreams for this little blog of mine. Thanks for sticking around. 

To be perfectly honest, I've had an instagram account for a food blog since January. But I needed a good name before I made it public!

I reached out to a group of friends who have supported me in everything I’ve ever done from the moment I met them. My dear friend, Marillyn, came up with the name right away. Yellow Apron Recipes. I ultimately changed it to Yellow Apron Kitchen, but I kept the heart of the message. 

I gave a Ted Talk about emotional intelligence to a group of about 100 freshman at my university last spring, pre covid. I was a part of a program called Freshman Forum, which was a leadership development program with a focus on service. I was a peer leader, so I had a small group of 12 freshman that I had the privilege of getting to know and love with my co peer leader. My Ted Talk was called ‘It Was All Yellow’, so the name for Yellow Apron came from that! 

So what's the deal with yellow?

Yellow is my FAVORITE color!!! Yellow is bright, happy, and joyful! For years people had told me that I reminded them of yellow because I was so bright, happy, and joyful. I loved hearing that! It made me feel so good knowing people saw me as someone who was a ray of light in the lives of others. It felt like a core piece of who I was.

So what happened when I wasn’t feeling bright, happy, and joyful all the time. I started to question if I was even myself anymore if I wasn’t feeling those things. 

I am a mega introvert and need alone time to function. I can’t be on all the time! I started feeling a lot of new emotions that I had never experienced before. And on top of this, I started struggling with my mental health. I specifically struggled with an eating disorder that stripped me of any joy I had. 

In the worst parts of my eating disorder, I was unable to feel bright, happy, or joyful, so I was consumed with the fear that if I wasn’t those things I had attributed with yellow, then I wasn’t myself. And if I wasn’t myself, who was I? 

Let's talk shades of yellow

What’s your favorite shade of yellow? I think mine is probably golden hour yellow – the color of everything when the sun hits it just right as the sun starts setting. 

One of the most revolutionary things I’ve realized (and sorry if it is just too obvious)  is that like colors, people have different shades too! 

Highlighter Yellow – Big! Fun! Bright! Happy! Joyful! Camp Counselor Kaitlyn! Exhausting for long period of time! 

Mustard Yellow – Doing the hard work. In touch with my emotions. Feels emotions without shame/guilt. Counseling!!!

Lemon Bar Yellow – Being alone and being okay with it! Cooking alone! Reading! Journaling! Checking in with myself!

Golden Hour Yellow – Warm and inviting. Sweet like honey. Fresh baked cookies and an open invitation to my couch. Knows how to set boundaries. 

That was by no means a comprehensive list of the shades of yellow, nor was it a comprehensive list of all the aspects of who I am.

This very brief list revolutionized the way that I viewed myself. There is a lot to the color yellow, much like there is a lot to who I am. Struggling with an eating disorder didn’t make me any less me. This realization took away the pressure I felt to be a certain way for people to love me. It gave me the space and freedom to press into my recovery for me, not for the people around me. 

So this is all great for me, but what about you!

I encourage all of you reading this to take a moment to think this through! Maybe this isn’t helpful to you, and that’s okay.

Some things I have found to be extremely important – checking in with myself, recognizing my emotions, and realizing when I feel most like myself. 

Okay okay again, this sounds great, but what if you have a hard time recognizing what you’re feeling? No worries, I did too! That’s why someone much smarter than me made this helpful little tool called the emotion wheel! 

I used to only show emotions on the bottom half of the wheel! What a small way to live life. We have been created with the capability to feel a full range of emotions. It isn’t wrong or shameful to feel anything on the top half. In fact, if you’re feeling sad, mad, or scared, I’d encourage you to really dive into that and understand why you are feeling that and find a resolution instead of just pushing it away. 

"There's no 'should' or 'should not' when it comes to having feelings. They're part of who we are and their origins are beyond our control. When we can believe that, we may find it easier to make constructive choices about what to do with those feelings." - Fred Rogers

Some things that helped me finally come to terms with accepting my feelings and figuring out what to do with them were journaling, having a home team (people who are supporting me), setting boundaries, finding what makes me happy, reaching out to people, and seeking out professional help (counseling, medicine!!! I can’t say enough good things about how these things have changed my life for the better!!!!) 

"One of the greatest gifts you can give anybody is the gift of being your honest self." -Fred Rogers

So I guess this is it – my greatest gift to you all, my readers. Although it is scary sometimes, I want this to be a place where I can be my honest self in the hopes of encouraging others. I am yellow, and I am all yellow. I created Yellow Apron as a way to share something I loved with the people I loved. It quickly evolved into me sharing my heart with you all! I have such big dreams for Yellow Apron Kitchen! I want to be encouraging those around me to seek recovery, to make peace with their bodies, to have food freedom. 

4 thoughts on “It Was All Yellow”

  1. I really enjoyed your article. I love yellow, too (highlighter yellow)! I am a friend of your grandmother’s. Pat is a wonderful person and a wonderful mentor to you.

  2. What a beautiful message. I hope you keep up on your dreams. You were a little girl when I saw you last but have grown into a beautiful young lady.
    I have always been a yellow fan. I grew up eating lemons! I still have lemons on my counter, they make me happy. I see everything in yellow, most people don’t like yellow.
    Hopefully you will keep wiring as I have enjoyed your article.

    Doris Caldwell

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